Do you struggle with perfectionism?

I know I do.

We often feel a longing for things to be perfect—perfect marriage, perfect body, perfect family, perfect house. And as we pursue perfection, we spend money we shouldn’t, focus on worldly appearances rather than connection to God, and take on more than we can handle. We work and work yet are left exhausted and disappointed.

Continue reading to explore some of what the Bible says about perfectionism and a few amazing reminders for your kids who deal with perfectionism.

Can we have perfection?

So why does Jesus tell us in Matthew 5:48 to “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect”?

It’s a standard we can’t obtain. A level we will never be able to measure. We know it yet are told to do it. How frustrating is that? (Very, for a type A rule-follower like me. I have to check all the boxes.)

The truth is: God already knows that perfection will never be obtained on this side of heaven. Romans 3:10 says: “As it is written: ‘There is no one righteous, not even one…’” God knows we can never reach His perfect standard. So He made a way for us to be rid of our imperfections.

That way is Jesus.

Jesus is God in human flesh, who took on our sin, our inadequacies, our imperfections, and put them to death. He clothes us, instead, in God’s holy righteousness. Second Corinthians 5:21 says “God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”

When God sees you, He sees Jesus’s blood covering you. Imperfections gone, sin washed away. Holy standard met.

That doing, that striving to get to God or have His righteousness is unnecessary. Jesus has already done the work. And when we believe that Jesus’s work stands for us, we can rest in the work God has already done for us.

Rest. That’s what I want more of. That means:

• I can be close to God now and for eternity,
• I don’t need to keep up a perfect, polished front
• I can let go of things God hadn’t asked me to do
• I can trust God to work in my issues, as well as my husband’s, kids’, coworkers’, friends’, or family’s imperfections (it’s not my job to fix people)
• And so much more!

And He’s promised us a perfect world with Him one day (Revelation 21:3-4).

How cool is that?

Stuck in an Imperfect World?

Still, you may be saying, “C’mon, Lacey. That’s all good, but I still want things perfect now. What does the Bible say about that?”

I’m glad you asked.

I hate to break the news to you, but until God creates this new perfect world and finishes perfecting His people, things are not going to be…well, perfect. Your spouse won’t be perfect, your kids won’t be perfect, your work is never going to get to some ultimate perfect level, and, let’s face it, your house is probably devolving into chaos as we speak. Trying to scrub off the marker might look good for company but is not going to fix what is broken in this world.

Is there any good news for those of us impatiently waiting for perfection to come? Resolutely, yes! Not only is God working in you, perfecting you (Phil 1:6) (we like to overlook that, after all, we like to do the perfecting), but the Bible tells us that God’s power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12:9).

That means our all-powerful, perfectly good God is working in all those weak areas that we can’t seem to “perfect” on our own. For instance:

• When our parenting seems insufficient for our kids, God is working to parent them, too.
• When our sharing of the gospel feels stammering and ineffective, God is working.
• When our houses are a mess, God can still use them to care for our families and offer hospitality to others.
• And when this blog post doesn’t say things quite perfectly, God can still use it to encourage you.

Take a Moment and Reflect

• So, where in your life are you striving for perfection today?
• Why does that area need to be perfect?
• What would it look like to trust God for perfection?
• How would resting in that trust change your life?

Have a perfectionist kid?

Here are some reminders to give them when they feel they don’t measure up.

• Remind them they are a work in progress: Philippians 1:6
• Remind them they are given righteousness freely. They don’t have to do anything besides accept Jesus’s work on their behalf: John 14:6, Galatians 2:16
• Remind them they were loved without being perfect: John 3:16, 1 John 3:1
• Remind them they can rest: Matthew 11:28-30, Hebrews 4:9-11, Psalms 127:2
• Remind them that when they mess up, forgiveness is freely offered: Psalm 103:12, Psalm 32:5, 1 John 1:9
• Remind them that their one “necessary” thing to do in life is to love God and others: Deuteronomy 6:4-9, Ecclesiastes 12:13-14, Matthew 22:37-40, John 13:34

I’ve got a hoard of perfectionist kids over here and one of them recently came to me crying over something she had done she knew was wrong. I reminded her God freely gives forgiveness when asked and read this kid the two Psalms verses on the list. She listened and said, “So, when I ask for forgiveness, this sin will be gone?”

“Yes, girl, you’ve got it.”

“I did that,” she said, and told me about her prayers to God last night.

She walked away with a lighter step, and I hope, today, your family can find some freedom, too.